There were many people who questioned my decision not to “try out” my boyfriend before he became my husband.
I really can’t blame them for thinking I was strange. In the relaxed moral climate of Australia, the very idea of waiting until marriage to share a bed is rarely heard of, and even more rarely practiced. So, of course, my waiting would have seemed impossible—or at the very least extremely odd.
The objections were always the same:
“I couldn’t even think of simply having sex with one guy for my entire life! It would be so boring!”
“What if you aren’t happy with him in bed?”
“How do you know what he’s going to be like?”
“Don’t you want to try a few more guys first?”
Honestly, sometimes what they said bothered me. Just like any other young woman, I, of course, wanted a close and intimate relationship with my boyfriend—that’s why I was thinking of marrying him! But I was waiting—waiting for what I hoped would be a beautiful and fulfilling relationship.
At the time, it was just a hope. Of course, as a young woman who had never experienced what the other girls sneering at me had experienced, I could never fully be sure what lay ahead of me, but I trusted in God and I believed that the godly man I chose would do his best to fulfil my needs.
Now, I’m on the other side, and I’m writing to tell any of you girls who are wondering whether keeping your virginity until marriage is worth it—it is definitely worth it.
If you are wondering whether sex outside of marriage is pleasurable—you don’t have to wonder. It is. God never denied that there would be pleasure in seeking sexual gratification outside of marriage. As Solomon wrote:
“For the lips of a forbidden woman [or, we can read, “man”] drip honey, and her [his] speech is smoother than oil” (Proverbs 5:3).
Yes, it looks good—yes, it sounds good—and everything seems good.
But he doesn’t stop there.
“…but in the end she [he] is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her [his] feet go down to death; her [his] steps follow the path to Sheol; she [his] does not ponder the path of life; her [his] ways wander, and she [he] does not know it” (Proverbs 5:4-6).
You see, God made you and He gave you the precious gift of sexuality as part of your person. He knew you would struggle with your sexuality and look for fulfilment—which is why He hasn’t been silent on the subject. While many in the church think they must keep taboo on the sex issue, God certainly does not hold that view. There are multiple passages on how to deal with your sexuality—as well as an entire book on how to have a wonderful relationship within the marriage bed (Song of Solomon)!
Don’t let anyone fill your heart with doubt. God is clear about what His plans are for your relationships and He gives only what is good and perfect (James 1:17). I am honestly so thankful I stayed my ground and kept my purity, as when I went to be with my husband alone for the first time on my wedding night, I could enjoy the time with my loved one knowing that this was how God designed it.
So, what about my friends’ fears and concerns over my dissatisfaction?
Does it ever get boring?
No. It gets better with time.
How do you know what he’s going to be like?
If he is a godly man then he will be seeking God’s will for marriage and sexuality and will want to meet my needs as I do his.
What if you’re not happy?
We talk about it and we work it out—and because he is a godly man he wants to make me happy. I don’t need (or want) to go find another guy or cry to my girlfriends.
Don’t you wish you tried someone else?
No. I trust God’s plan for my marriage and it certainly hasn’t failed me yet. I want my heart to be whole and my conscience to be pure. I want my mind to be free from comparisons that would detract from and endanger the happiness in my marriage. I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything.
* * * * *
God has a beautiful solution to your need for sexual fulfilment: Married love—and oh, how sweet it is! There is nothing more satisfying than loving someone so deeply and knowing that they are committed to loving you as much as they possibly are able for as long as you both live. Marry someone who shares the same view of marriage as you— someone who will love you like Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25) and trust me—you won’t be disappointed.
Don’t listen to anyone’s lies—and please, don’t worry. You won’t regret waiting and it is so very worth the wait.